Thank You

Well, it’s been over two years since my last blog post. I felt energized by something I read the other day and decided I needed to write about it. I wish I had more time and inspiration to blog more often than biennially but here goes.

My last blog post was inspired by an excerpt from Tim Keller’s book on prayer. What I have written today is from Max Lucado’s book on prayer. I find it fitting that these posts should be side by side. The first- written in an emotionally and spiritually dark time of my life when prayer was the last thing I wanted to do. The second- written after a long and continuous time of growth, waiting, trusting, hoping, and learning how to pray again.

God has never left me, though I gave him every reason. God has never left me, though I didn’t always feel him. God has never left me, and his faithfulness is unchanging.

Lucado reminds us that Scripture commands us over a hundred times to give thanks. He ponders- if Adam and Eve had chosen gratitude instead of discontent, how different would our world look today?

In a world where it’s easy to say ‘more!’, where there’s always something bigger, better, faster, stronger, where we have a small taste of eternity and misplace our longing into basically everything else, here is my attempt to choose gratitude. To give thanks as God commands. To give thanks because, how can I not?

And as Lucado suggests: Alphabetize your blessings instead of cataloging your burdens.

My little hometown of Alta. No stoplights or shopping centers, lots of corn fields and windmills, and tranquility for days! There are pros and cons of living in a small town but I look back on those days with fondness. I love coming home. I grew up here. I know Gaby will think it’s a pretty special place too.

I am thankful for the Breeze. The curling taste of relief, refreshment, respite, however brief, from the heat. The reminder that the fire doesn’t last forever. The breeze, the breath of God will squelch the flames- and if not in this life, the breeze reminds me of eternity’s sanctuary from the sparks of this broken world.

Crayons. A brand new box of colorful, unbroken, pointy crayons.

We have been able to host a lot of awesome people at the Dojo and we are very thankful to have the house we do. From draft parties and costume parties to youth group escape rooms and whiffle ball, game nights and dinners, to friends and family who need a place to stay. Long live the Dojo.

I am thankful for Exclamation points! Snow day! Cubs win! I passed! It’s a girl! Good job! I found it! We’re going to Disneyland! Triumphs. Victories. Accomplishments. Reliefs. Encouragements. Rewards. Surprises. I am thankful for all the times that merit this simple punctuation mark.

What kind of ‘thank you’ list would this be without all the F’s: family, friends, forgiveness, fall, Fridays, facts, forests, fantasy football, Finland, fireworks, flip-flops, forever, french fries, firsts, Frosted Flakes, fountains, flowers, Frank Sinatra, festivals, feet (because otherwise no flip-flops), and fish (just kidding. no fish.)

Go to YouTube and search ‘baby laughing’ and you cannot resist a smile. Baby Giggles: the pure, unadulterated, unconditional exhibition of joy and bliss. There is literally nothing on this earth that could keep me from smiling when my Gaby Girl looks me in the eye and bubbles into giggles.

My Husband, Michael Shields, is the love of my life and best friend. Six wonderful years of marriage. Of laughing fits and tears of despair. Of stress and bliss. Of Super Nintendo and sand volleyball. Of bottle-flipping videos and kitchen dance parties. Of traveling the world and sitting on the couch watching TV. Of everything I could dream of. Of things we have yet to discover and experience together.

J.I. Packer’s book Knowing God. I could read it a hundred times and never come away empty. Among many things, he reminds me: “This is momentous knowledge. There is unspeakable comfort in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love, and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that his love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself. There is equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that for some unfathomable reason, he wants me as his friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given his son to die for me in order to realize this purpose.” Read it again. And again.

The muted glow of a campfire. A flashlight piercing the darkness. The warm rays of the sun resting like a blanket. I am thankful for Light. It obliterates the shadows. It exposes, illuminates, guides, and saves. “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

How long could we go without Music? I can’t write music. So when I hear music, I feel known. So many songs I hear feel like they exploded right out of my heart. They say what I could never express or never knew I needed to. How awesome is it, when you hear the words of the song or feel the melody and think ‘Yes. That’s me.’ I am known.

So much of who we are is inseparable from our memories. Our past doesn’t define us but it does shape us. It does affect how we live today. Some are able to live in the present or constantly look towards the future. And that’s great- I am trying to be better about that, but I just have a special place in my life for my memories. Nostalgia is a regular part of my day. I never want to forget all the people and experiences that have led to this point. Who would I be without my memories?

Or. Mike knows I have a difficult time making decisions. But I am grateful for choice. There is a weight and freedom that's wrapped up in a seemingly insignificant two letter word.

Prayer is hard, but simple. It breaks me down, but builds me up. It challenges me, but frees me. I love that God gave us prayer. He lowered the communication line. And he listens to it, whether I paid the electric bill or not. Whether I’m yelling or whispering. Whether my sentences end in question marks, exclamation points, periods, or contain a million commas and parentheses. He wants to hear from me. The Creator of the entire universe desires my prayers.

Quiet.

Watch TV, peruse Facebook, talk to just about anyone and you see hurt. We hurt because we’re broken. We hurt because there are hurricanes, shootings, violence, fires, lost relationships. There is inner turmoil, guilt, shame, regret. Praise the Lord we aren’t left to fend for ourselves in our state of desperation. We have Rescue and Redemption. I love how the author of ‘Truest’ phrases it: “Rescue wears masks, you know. It’s why people say it’s darkest before the dawn. Sometimes things take a long time to make sense. Could be years and years…Or they might never make sense. But that doesn’t mean you stop trusting that the world is being rescued… God favors redemption over perfection.”

I love Stars. They are mesmerizing and mind-blowing and just plain pretty. If there is anything in the world that can make you feel small, it’s a sky full of blazing gas bodies billions of miles away. And sometimes I need to feel small.

I am thankful for ‘Too’ and ‘Together’. Common ground. Standing beside each other. Sustaining, uniting, encouraging. Because the Enemy isolates and wants me to feel alone. But he is a liar.

Something I don’t always realize I should be grateful for: the Unknown. I am a person who likes to know things. I get excited about learning. I’m one of those annoying people who starts a lot of their sentences with ‘Actually’. I don’t always act like it, but I am glad that God doesn’t let me know everything. Because then why would I need him? Why would I ever have to trust him? The unknown is the necessary thorn in the side of the prideful.

Vacations. The opportunity to step away from the routines and say ‘Let’s live a little.’ Toes in the sand. Sun on my face. Trails through the trees. Walking, riding, flying, boating. Resting. Unloading. Slowing. Down.

I have never been short on Words. If you’ve made it this far, you know that. But that’s because words are so important to me. Words are powerful. Like music, they illicit such deep emotions. Inspiring, convicting, strengthening. I’m constantly recording quotes from books I like and lyrics from songs. Words teach us. We grow by them- spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, socially. I bought a dictionary from a garage sale, so believe me when I tell you how much I love them.

X-rays and xylophones, obviously.

“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ. And so through him the ‘Amen’ is spoken by us to the glory of God.” (2 Corinthians 1:20) I am thankful for yes.

And finally, we had the amazing opportunity to visit New Zealand last year. This is a very unique place. Besides the fact that it’s absolutely gorgeous there, they also have no predatory wildlife. In my book, that is a great place to enjoy God’s creation. And maybe one day move to the island to become a sheep rancher. (Right Mike?)

This was a helpful way for me to ponder my life outside my current circumstances and spend time thanking God because I don’t do that enough. Too many of my prayers start with ‘Please’. If you resonate with any of my struggles with prayer, I would highly recommend these books: “Prayer” by Tim Keller, “Before Amen” by Max Lucado, or “If You Will Ask” by Oswald Chambers.

Let me leave you with a quote from Tim Keller’s book:

“Prayer is the way to experience a powerful confidence that God is handling our lives well, that our bad things will turn out for good, our good things cannot be taken from us, and the best things are yet to come.”

You are enough and always will be, I only need to see.