Sis, Take a Breath
Sis, Take a Breath: Encouragement for the Woman Who's Trying to Live and Love Well (but Secretly Just Wants to Take a Nap)
By: Kirsten Watson
“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans” (Proverbs 16:3).
I was a little worried that ‘Sis, Take a Breath’ was going to be another version of ‘Girl, Wash Your Face’.
But fear not, Kirsten Watson does not adhere to Rachel Hollis’ theology of self-promotion, self-fulfillment, and taking what we deserve.
Watson, mother of 7 and wife to NFL player and author Benjamin Watson, clearly articulates the gospel and our need of a Savior and the Holy Spirit to work in us.
[Check out their podcast HERE.]
‘Taking a breath’ as the title says is acknowledging that God is the one who gives us life.
She says, “God’s own breath—animates our lives… Our need for truth is as deep as our need for oxygen.”
When we take a breath we are inviting God’s truth and his presence to fill us and sustain us. What we need to survive and thrive is not what’s inside us that we can tap into if we try hard enough and want it badly enough. We only need one thing, and we don’t work for it, we receive it— Him.
I love the analogy she uses about the proper way to breath when you are working out. You exhale while you’re exerting your energy. Then, you need oxygen in order to exert that energy, so you inhale to prepare for the next exertion.
“Exhale during the hard part; inhale to renew.”
The difficulties in life or the daily grind are the hard reps of working out and in order to acquire the energy we need to push through them, we need to renew our breath in preparation. We need a steady supply of the Holy Spirit.
[I love this concept of ‘breath.’ It’s why I titled my other blog by the same name!]
What I Loved
Well, first of all— the cover picture! It shows the chaos, love, and affection of their family. It shows real life.
Watson says that these are the two things she says every morning: “God, give me my manna for the day. Nothing more and nothing less. And Lord, all I have is five loaves and two fish. That’s all I got. Please multiply them and let there be some left over. Amen.”
I think those are great things to begin every day with. It says, God, I need you, and I trust that you will give me exactly what I need today. It says I am content with what you have given me and trust that you can use it for your kingdom.
I also loved the triangle analogy Benjamin’s dad had taught him. A romantic relationship is a triangle with each person and God being the three points. The only way the two people get closer to each other is when they individually get closer to God. I like that visual and it’s so true! I’m going to have to teach that one to my kids.
The Goodreads summary of this book says that she provides ‘life hacks’ when things get hard. I’m not sure if that’s necessarily the right word choice.
But I did find this book very relatable and encouraging because she acknowledges the struggles of being a mom and a wife in all its chaos and then she points us to Christ and the gospel of his sufficiency and redemption. That’s the only place with real hope.
I related to the fact that she has twins and had lots of kids close together.
I related to her comments about searching the internet to prove she was right when she argued with her husband— and how she wished someone was recording them all day so she could rewind and playback what was actually said when (I’ve definitely told my husband this). And I felt it deep in my soul when she talked about the day when she would be done with car seats and boosters.
And I related to a lot of her pain.
She shares her experience with two miscarriages and talks about how she found it hard to pray to God and hard to sing the lyrics of worship songs. My miscarriage experience was very similar. I often found myself saying “I know these words are true, help me to believe them.” [I wrote THIS during that time of wrestling with God.]
I love her transparency with her shortcomings but that she always ends with hope and encouragement.
The Flow
I’m not sure I entirely understood the flow and cohesiveness of the book as it relates to this ‘breath’ premise. It felt a little hodge-podge but each chapter still spoke good truth.
In a lot of ways, it felt like a memoir but I don’t think it is intended that way.
Some things she emphasizes:
All the ‘extra’ we say yes to can deprive us the space for God and the energy for others. Even things that are good can still pull us away from what is better. (Lk 10:41-42 “Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.”)
Prioritize your marriage ahead of your kids and do what it takes to invest in that relationship.
When you sacrifice your career ambitions for your family, you have not wasted your talents. When we believe our work at home is ‘beneath us’ we have forgotten Jesus’ example of washing his disciples’ feet. When we’re constantly looking toward something we don’t have, we miss out on what God has for us today.
A primary way we build our relationship with God and learn how to discern his voice is through Scripture and prayer. Prayer is a way we can praise and give thanks, but it’s also a place of relief, especially knowing that Jesus is interceding for us when we don’t know what to pray.
We are made for relationship and we need friends who will be with us in hard times and who will speak hard truths to us. We also can’t put our friends or mentors on pedestals or we will be disappointed when they fail us. Friendship must be built on the reality of our struggles.
Dwelling in our pain and letting it define us puts a barrier between us and God— the oxygen we need. We can wrestle with God when things are hard, but ultimately He is our healer and we need to allow him to redeem our hurts.
When we align our hearts to the Lord, He aligns our desires and we realize that all our desires are fulfilled in Him.
‘The Talk’ Chapter— Unpopular Opinion?
[Disclaimer: this is a large chunk of my review because I have questions about it, but it’s only one chapter of her book. Even with my questions, it doesn’t change my recommendation— this is still a valuable and gospel-centered book]
Kirsten dedicated a chapter to discuss ‘The Talk’ her and her husband have with their children regarding their race. The subtitle of this chapter is ‘Straight Talk to my Peach-Skinned Friends.’
The heart behind this chapter, I believe, is to share both the reality of racism but also to remind us of God’s gift of diversity. To encourage us to expose our kids to people different than them, to see people as individuals, to resist classifying people in unhelpful categories, and to resist the division that Satan is sowing in our culture right now. Prejudice is learned and as parents we need to teach our kids to love.
Her plea for people to own their own brokenness, to repent of sin, to resist division that is caused by hatred, discord, and factions, and to pursue justice, is right and necessary. (Gal 5:19-21)
But there were a few things that I struggled with.
She says “‘The Talk’ is about honestly preparing our kids for the treatment they may receive simply because of the color of their skin.”
I’ve heard many people share that this was part of their story or their family too. But when I hear this I wonder if teaching our kids that they might be treated differently because of the color of their skin (or any trait they have) becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Racism does exist, but could this practice inadvertently make people more likely to attribute or perceive every poor treatment they receive as an act of racism?
In some ways, it feels like we are training our kids to filter interactions through the lens of intersectionality, which is perceiving someone’s identity groups and identifying the oppressed and the oppressor before we interpret what is happening in particular interactions. This is a dangerous practice.
I know that’s not what Kirsten and Benjamin are doing with their kids, but the idea of ‘The Talk’ gives me pause. We want to prepare our kids for every situation but we run the risk of making it prominent in their minds, right?
She lists some things “not to say to a Black woman.” (I also noticed that she capitalizes black as Jemar Tisby and others have done.) Two of the things were— 1) Don’t say racism doesn’t exist and 2) Don’t say you’re colorblind. All good.
But the third one confused me. She says, “Don’t ask your colorful friends how they’ve been affected by racism… that request is cruel. Asking someone to relive a trauma for your own benefit is unkind.”
I understand what she’s saying but it feels like it’s a contradiction to what I’ve been told over and over again lately. I thought we were supposed to hear people’s stories so that we could better understand. I feel like I’ve been TOLD to ask people their stories. And I thought we were asking ‘for our own benefit’ only as it pertains to increasing our knowledge and understanding which is what I thought white people were supposed to be doing because we don’t know anything because we’re blinded by our privilege. So now we’re cruel to ask?
Racial relations continues to be confusing to me. I want to show people I value them but it feels like I’m hearing a lot of conflicting ways on how to go about that and it’s frustrating.
Kirsten shared that they were living in Baltimore when Alton Sterling, a black man, was “shot at close range by two armed police officers.” She said she felt “Horror, because Mr. Sterling had died at the hands of men who had sworn to protect the city’s citizens, including him.”
That’s all she says about the incident so I looked it up to get more information. Sterling was a convicted felon who was not allowed to own a firearm and the police were called because he was standing outside a CD store with a firearm threatening people. The police approached and he resisted arrest, appearing to go for his gun. The police used several non-lethal methods to restrain him but they weren’t working and he was a big man. When he was going for his gun they shot. It’s not as cut and dry as she makes it seem.
Racism exists. Prejudice exists. But it baffles me when so many of the most publicized and talked about incidents are about felons resisting police arrest and getting shot. I didn’t like how Kirsten includes this event without giving any context and stating so resolutely that the police were failing to do their job of protecting citizens when Sterling was the one threatening citizens with an illegal firearm.
These highly publicized events like Sterling, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, etc… are the ones we hear about the most, and are taking away attention from more deliberate acts of racism that need to be addressed.
I know this is unpopular and, I suppose, culturally unacceptable to say, and my intent is not to disregard Kirsten’s feelings and her lived experiences, but to seek truth. I hope my words are coming across with compassion and not pride. I am not trying to define anything but just questioning if training our kids to see racism or misrepresenting events as racist is helping or hurting the cause of battling racism.
I found Voddie Bauchum’s book Fault Lines, Candace Owens’ book Blackout, Thaddeus Williams’ book Confronting Injustice without Compromising Truth, Lukianoff and Haidt’s book The Coddling of the American Mind and Thomas Sowell’s book Discrimination and Disparities to be really insightful and helpful to me as I filter through the news, trying to love all image-bearers, find solutions that will benefit them, and pursue racial justice in a biblical way.
Conclusion
I recommend this book.
My comments about the race portion of her book are not meant to overshadow or devalue this read.
Kirsten Watson, writing in a genuine and transparent voice, shares with us her struggles and how she reverts her thinking and heart back to Christ and his transformative work in us.
This book will remind you that your identity is in Christ and that we can trust him with our lives, even when they’re hard and even when they don’t look like how we thought they would.
This book will remind you the Source of our oxygen, our life.
She reminds us to BREATHE. Exhale during the hard part and inhale to renew. The energy we need to breathe through the hard stuff can only be found in Christ and that is the best reason to read this book.
More Quotes:
“What God has for me in this very moment is sufficient—even abundant! If I spend my life looking forward, I’ll miss out on what He has for me now.”
“The important thing is to use the gifts God has given you to serve the people God has given you.”
“Great people do not do great things; God does great things through surrendered people.” -Jennie Allen
“If your friend is grieving, please, don’t try to preach them out of their grief. Sit with them in it until words become necessary.” - Jackie Hill Perry
“The biggest thing our children need is to know that they belong to something bigger.”
“Whatever God has given you to do is plenty—no matter how big (or small) your family is.”
**Received an ARC via NetGalley**
This book released May 3, 2022. You can use my affiliate link below to purchase.
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