Parenting without Panic

Book Reviews

Oct 9

Parenting without Panic in an LGBT-Affirming World: Discipling Our Kids with Jesus’ Truth and Love
By: Rachel Gilson

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5)

“God’s vision for our bodies and relationships really is good news and we can talk calmly and confidently about it with even our young kids.”

I read this book in tandem with What Do I Say When…?. Apparently both Crossway Publishing and The Good Book Company had similar plans to release a short parenting guide on some of the cultural issues of the day and how to relate them at age-appropriate levels.

I decided to read them back-to-back and compare them.

In brief, I would say that I liked Parenting without Panic better, however it was written for parents with kids 11 and under— which is me— and I felt like she did a better job providing more specific illustrations and ways of communicating.

To parse it out more, the books do kind of have different targets.

Gilson’s book is targeted for younger kids and is focused on LGBT questions and thoughts on identity.

What Do I Say When (written by husband and wife Andrew & Christian Walker) addresses a broader range of topics and provides talking points for three different age groups. They don’t list out the ages, calling them ‘floors’ instead, so the parent can decide what group of points and questions would fit their child’s level of understanding. Some of the other topics in What Do I Say When include politics, human dignity, abortion, technology, and persecution, as well as chapters pertaining to transgender, sexuality, and identity categories.

Regardless of which book (or both) you decide to read, all three authors were quick to remind us that as parents, these books, though helpful, are not enough. We need to do the due diligence of familiarizing ourselves with the issues, the arguments, the defenses, and what the Bible says about them.

It’s not a question of whether our kids will learn this stuff, it’s a matter of WHO will be teaching them. Will it be us? Or will we allow their schools, their friends, or their entertainment choices tell them what is right or wrong, true or false.

It’s not enough to send our kids to Sunday school and hope they are getting enough truth to combat the lies of the enemy. As parents we are raising these kids and teaching them every day what it means to follow Jesus and obey his word and trust his design for how we live our lives.

If that overwhelms you, take heart, because that’s why these authors have written their books! These are a great starting point for any parent. Beyond that, both books provide further resources and other books that delve into each topic more deeply. Especially the Wilsons’ book.

To read more of my thoughts on What Do I Say When, click HERE for my full review.

Now I will focus more on Gilson’s book specifically.

Rachel Gilson wrote her own story in her book Born Again This Way where she details her LGBT journey and experience and how she came to know the truth of the Bible and changed her lifestyle.

The same kind and loving tone is found in this book. She is careful to phrase and communicate truths in a way that reminds our children that LGBT people are not bad people. Our kids are quick to categorize good people and bad people, but that’s not how God sees us. We want to communicate God’s truth and his design without causing them to stop loving people who don’t know Jesus yet. I think that’s really important and easily lost in the conversation.

A few things she used that stood out to me:

Just like a cow says moo and a duck says quack (animals telling us what they are), we can trust our body to tell us who we are— boys or girls. God created us in a way that we would easily know (there is some nuance here with intersex conditions that she does discuss)
Both singleness and marriage are signposts for God’s goodness. This is a crossover from her other book where she talks about how God designed marriage between a man and a woman (difference/diversity) as a representation and picture of Christ and his bride— the church. The two parties are not interchangeable or we lose the gospel. In the same way, a man doesn’t marry a man or a woman to a woman without distorting or lying about the truth of who God is and how he unites with his people. She has always held singleness in high regard as well. In a world that makes romantic love the peak of human existence, we can remind our children that the ‘yes’ of the gospel is in being in God’s family and sharing in loving relationships as brothers and sisters in Christ. There is a place for everyone in God’s family and we are not saved by romantic love but in the love of Christ that is for all.
She has a chapter called ‘The Sex Talk’ which may make you second guess these conversations with your kids, but the reality is that they need to know a lot of this stuff at a young age. The phrase she provides to help you explain this (in terms of eggs and seeds) is helpful and I agree with her that if we communicate confidently and calmly with our kids, it will instill their confidence and their willingness to come to us with any questions or concerns.
She explains the effects of the fall and how we live in a broken world with broken bodies and broken feelings. It helps us explain the ‘why’ of transgender and LGBT questions as well as other sinful thoughts and behaviors we have that we need to align with God’s will and design, not on our changing feelings.
I liked how she helps us teach our kids why our family’s rules might be different than other families. It will help us not be surprised or afraid of difference, but recognizing that people who aren’t under the kingship of God won’t obey the rules of God and won’t be using the Holy Spirit to help them say yes to his design

I was very encouraged by her chapter discussing parents’ fears about their children and what they will grow up to believe. Rachel points us to Daniel and the Israelites who were exiled in Babylon, inundated with the pagan propaganda with the threat of death if they didn’t comply with the new religion. There were many who still grew up strong in faith. There is no guarantee, but we can trust God with our children and know that “God is able to keep his people faithful, even when they are surrounded by idolatry and persecution.”

She also has a chapter that talks about when people who are Christians believe they can affirm an LGBT relationship and still be following God’s Word.

In this chapter she brings up Preston Sprinkle’s book ‘Embodied’: “At the time of writing this, I don’t know of a comparable volume engaging with affirming arguments for transgender identities, but Embodied is a thoughtful Christian treatment of the topic in general. Educating yourself on various ways in which people end up embracing revisionist positions will help as you listen to and engage with your children.”

Another reviewer brought up concerns that Rachel would recommend this book. I guess, knowing what I know of Sprinkle, I read this as her giving a ‘counter’ book option of what to be cautious of, not that his book was one to emulate. But I suppose it’s not super clear.

Rachel is right to caution readers that just because someone says they are a Christian, doesn’t mean their beliefs align with Scripture. Right now Revisionist Christianity is “popular, enticing, and deadly; if our children embrace it, our role is to call it out.” It is a distortion of Scriptural beliefs that ultimately undermines God’s Word and truth itself.

Rosaria Butterfield takes on Preston Sprinkle pretty candidly in her book Five Lies of Our Anti-Christian Age, and after doing some of my own reading and researching, I wouldn’t necessarily say avoid Preston Sprinkle at all costs, but I would be very cautious in aligning your beliefs to his. I’m not entirely sure where he stands at this very moment but I think he has decided he doesn’t believe in hell and is currently wrestling with an egalitarian view of women in the church, which Wayne Grudem does a pretty compelling job of explaining the path to liberalism from this belief alone in his book Evangelical Feminism, which is probably accelerated considering Sprinkle’s belief about hell.

The point is: be wary of Preston Sprinkle, yes, but more importantly, you need to know what truth is before you can spot the lie. Know what the Bible says about all the things. Read Rachel’s book, but read more than Rachel’s book.

She lists her own book at the end of the book as a resource as well as Is God Anti-Gay by Sam Allberry and Does the Bible Affirm Same-Sex Relationships by Rebecca McLaughlin. Both of those are also short books which I’ve read, reviewed, and recommend as well.

I have read much on this subject, you can browse other resources HERE.

Recommendation

I like how she concludes her book: “I hope that marinating in the principles of this book has grounded your heart in faith in our loving God… because of our relationship with the all-powerful, loving, and living true God, we can move from parenting out of fear towards parenting in secure trust in the one who will never leave us nor forsake us.”

I’m still working on quelling all of my fear regarding my kids’ faith and future, but I can tell you that I have a lot less fear and a lot more confidence in parenting from reading books like this that remind me that my beliefs regarding LGBT topics are not hateful, bigoted, or misguided. They are grounded in the love and truth of God who created each of us on purpose with a purpose. I don’t have to wonder if I’m on the wrong side of history because I know I am on the right side of God’s truth.

You can have that confidence too. It just takes some study of God’s Word and there are plenty of teachers who have provided books like these to walk you through it.

Be encouraged and inspired to guide your kids through difficult conversations knowing you are leading them to the ultimate place of love, truth, belonging, and life.

**Received a copy via The Good Book Company in exchange for an honest review**

This book just released September 1, 2024. You can order a copy of this book using my affiliate link below.