Humble Moms
Humble Moms: How the Work of Christ Sustains the Work of Motherhood
By: Kristen Wetherell
“We are moms who love our children and know the privilege of our high calling, but see its demands, along with our struggles and shortcomings, and know, without a doubt, how much we need encouragement and help along the way.”
“Greatness is not about puffing ourselves up, but laying ourselves down. It is not only about what we’re doing, but why and how we’re doing it. It is the humble posture of the heart.”
Kristen Wetherell gets me.
She understands how motherhood makes you weary. She understands all the struggles and the needs.
Motherhood is hard. So how do we do it?
How do we endure?
How do we love our kids when we don’t like them?
Where do we get the strength and joy to not just survive each day, but do it with less sinful behavior? (my words, not hers)
Kristen has written this relatable and convicting book to remind us in all seasons and contexts of motherhood that at the core, we have a heart and hand disconnect. We may display servants’ hands but not with servants’ hearts.
“My goal, then, is not to give you more things you must do or be, adding to your already-long-enough list of shoulds, nor will we grow in humility simply by focusing on our shortcomings and sins as we walk with Christ. The pages that follow are not about parenting; neither is this book a pep talk to bolster your self-confidence. It is not even directly about motherhood, although I’m praying your pursuit of motherhood is affected by it. Instead, this book is about a person whose heart we most need. It is about the truest definition and demonstration of humility. This book is a meditation on Christ—because what weary moms need is a long, lingering look at humility in the flesh, the beautiful and blessed Jesus, who reveals to us what servant-heartedness looks like.”
Kristen takes us through the book of John, from creation to Christ’s promised returning, to show us how Jesus created, sustains, satisfies, provides, leads, and loves us. How he has sacrificed for us, prays for us, and dwells with us.
Note on the formatting: At the end of each chapter there is a section of meditation and reflection and then a prayer. I really liked the prayers because it helped me know what to pray for myself. Then at the end of the book are more discussion questions for each chapter. It would make a good study for a group of women.
Why is motherhood so hard?
Because of sin.
We are sinners. Our kids are sinners.
Behavior modification won’t fix all of our problems. We all need our hearts changed.
A major theme in this book is that we need to stop trying to be our own Savior or our kids’ Savior. We could never be. We will never be good enough moms on our own. We will never be good enough moms to rescue our children from their sinful hearts.
Only Christ can do that.
“Motherhood means sacrifice—your last bites of ice cream, your pre-baby body, those eight-straight hours of glorious nighttime sleep, your financial freedom, the clean car, the clean house, the clean shirt. All sacrificed on the altar of motherhood. In many symbolic ways, we are laying down our lives for our kids, and if it came to it, we know we would die for them. But we can’t save them from sin… we will never be able to sacrifice enough to remedy their biggest problem. And we will never be able to sacrifice enough to solve ours; no depth of guilt over our sins and failings and no amount of striving to be good enough will do.”
That is the first thing we need to get right. To stop striving on our own. [ahem, read When Strivings Cease]
Everything we need we have in Christ and his Spirit who lives in us.
We are strengthened in motherhood because he gives us strength, endurance, patience, gentleness, love, joy, self-control, peace, kindness, and faithfulness.
I’m not sure if you can be a mom and NOT recognize your limitations.
“Jesus knows your limitations because he created them. Far from what we think and want to believe, our limitations are God-given. They are not mistakes, but are tailor-made by our Creator. True, some of our weaknesses are linked to sin and suffering… But many of our limitations are God-designed and intentionally given to us… So we will know, without a doubt, how much we need him, which is the best place we can be.”
To be a humble mom we must know that the source of all we need is not within ourselves but in Him who Sustains us.
And when we are in Christ, he is making us new. He is transforming our hearts. We are given new desires.
Here are some quotes that depict some of the things that make us feel like failures:
“… our culture tells us that worth must be proven, that self-actualization is our goal, and that an idealistic home and children are what make us valuable.”
“it’s hardest to serve our children when no one, or nothing, seems to be serving us in return, when our rights or authority (or even our very presence in the room!) seem disregarded, or when we are not getting what we want or think we deserve.”
“the problem doesn’t lie in the good things we’d like to enjoy or the rest we need; it is when we grasp at those gifts like they are more important than other human beings.”
“Even after an ideal day with our kids, we know how our heads hit the pillow wondering, Is this really all there is for me? This should have filled me up—why do I still feel so empty?”
“Give me social media so I will not be lonely. Give me praise so I will not be undervalued. Give me opportunities so I will not feel useless. Give me obedient children so I will not be inconvenienced. Give me another purchase online so I will not be without… Within our hearts, thirst and worship are connected. Whatever we thirst for, we will worship. And whatever we worship, that we will thirst for.”
But when we look at the person of Christ in the book of John we see his gentle and lowly heart for his children. [ahem… read Gentle and Lowly]
We see his heart in his incarnation that he would take on flesh and live among sinners. We see his heart in his ministry as he heals and restores the outcasts and broken-hearted, how he serves the poor, the afflicted, the women, the children. We see his heart in his sacrifice on the cross, bearing the weight of the world’s sin to give us life. We see his heart in his intercession for us at the right hand of God— he didn’t just do his ‘work’ and go back to heaven hoping that we don’t screw everything up; he is praying for us and carrying us to the end. We see his heart in his promised return when he will come back and make all things right and bring ultimate restoration.
“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28
He has given us the example of service out of compassion. And as mothers we can look at the place God has put us, the eternal souls we care for, and know that what we do is a privilege and we exemplify Christ when we do it.
Jesus understands our toils, our sacrifices, our needs. He lived them.
And he has come to give us help in the form of His Spirit, as already talked about, but also His Word.
“In your doubts, do you need to remember the truth of who God is today? In your discouragements—in all the trials that make motherhood hard, that make you forget how loved you are, that bring you to suspect God of holding out on you—do you need to remember all the ways Jesus has served you?”
“We need Scripture so our faith does not wither, so we do not remake God in our own image, and so we become mothers who can discern truth from error.”
We can’t expect to be humble moms if we aren’t filling ourselves up with Scripture. The Bible tells us who God is, what he has done, and what he is doing. It reminds us of his promises. It is his living Word that strengthens our faith, is the source of our joy and our hope, and makes us more like Him.
This book is one that I’ll probably come back to whenever I’ve lost sight of my Shepherd. Whenever the struggles and sacrifices of motherhood become too much and I need to be reminded of who I am in Christ and what I have because of it. When I need to set my eyes on the hope that is to come and be faithful in what he has given me now.
I would recommend this book to all moms or moms-to-be. (Sidenote: she does a good job of including adoptive, foster, and waiting moms)
I can’t think of a better quote to end this review with. Be encouraged, moms, God is bigger than any struggle we have in motherhood, no matter how daily, and His heart is for YOU.
“A piece of dark chocolate may help for a brief moment, but what we’re desperate for—what our souls truly long for and need most—is life-giving, lasting, unshakable joy in a risen Savior who walked out of his grave. We need eternal, living hope, a reality check that lifts our eyes and hearts off our circumstances to the unseen kingdom of Christ, our good and gracious Shepherd-King, who is alive, and is with us by his Spirit, and is working out all his purposes—even the hard ones in our homes—for his own honor and for our Christlikeness, our joy, our humility.”
*This book just released on Amazon on April 12, 2022. You can use my affiliate link below to purchase.
[more quotes below]
Extra Resources
Wetherell recommends the ‘Dwell’ app for an audio Bible
Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund (I love this book! She quoted it a lot in Humble Moms)
Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic
Parenting by Paul Tripp (this puts our parenting struggles in the framework of sin and the Spirit’s work)
Gospel-Centered Motherhood by Stefanie Boyles
Eve in Exile by Rebekah Merkle (emphasizes the importance of motherhood)
Becoming a Woman Whose God is Enough by Cynthia Heald
When Strivings Cease by Ruth Chou Simons
More Quotes
“Each day presents us with opportunities to lower ourselves as Christ lowered himself. And this is our privilege because it was his.”
“As we wipe soiled bottoms for the millionth time—As we play the same imaginary game on repeat—As we try to understand the sadness behind our child’s tears—As we empty our supposed “rights” as mothers, laying aside our glory—We are not only serving our kids, we are serving the One who has first given up everything he deserved to serve us.”
“Instead of being high and-mighty moms who wag our fingers at our kids, confused and frustrated that they keep getting it wrong, we will be moms on our knees, humble and prayerful, as we plead for Jesus to do what only he can do.”
“No bad day of motherhood, no angry meltdown toward your kids, no attempts to escape from your circumstances, no wayward worship or mishandled thirst will shut off the fountain of rich mercy and grace that is in Jesus.”
“You could anxiously fret. You could fear the future. You could over-analyze your every decision. You could numb out with entertainment, food and drink, work, or social media. You could strive with all your might to be a “great mom.” Or you could rest in the refuge of your Good Shepherd.”
“When you’re tired of serving your kids; when you feel like giving up; when you’re discouraged and weary; when everything feels out of your control; when you’re sleep-deprived and can’t take another step; when your heart feels flat and cold; when you’re not sure how to face another mess, another conflict, or another day of motherhood, remember: You will see Jesus. You will be honored by the Father. And it will have been worth it all. We may not know what the outcome of our mothering work will be, but we know the outcome Jesus has worked for us. We know where we are headed. For the joy set before us—the joy of endlessly loving and serving him—we follow the One who has first served us (Heb. 12:1–2), who lost his life so we will keep ours for eternity. With eyes fixed on our humble Jesus, we will endure with faithfulness.”
**Received an ARC via NetGalley**
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